I was alone in church today (there was not mass at that time) saying prayers for my grandma who recently passed away, when I heard a swish-swish sound. I opened my eyes and there was a boy, rosary in hand, shuffling toward the alter on his knees. What an amazing outward sign of faith. I've sometimes felt I wanted to lay down right in front of the tabernacle. I don't. I worry about people looking at me askance. Maybe it comes from my teenager chiding me for kneeling or standing a split second before anyone else, or just a general deep-seated fear of people noticing I exist.
I think it was St. John of the Cross who said, it's not your business to worry about what others think of you, but what God thinks of you. I'm attempting to live by that motto. I think I can if I run away to the forest and become a hermit. I would have made a very happy hermit.
I've veered from the path I intended in this blog.
Faith- Deep enduring faith. In this ephemeral life we live, it's a huge comfort if you have it... unless you are among those who sadly avoid thinking of their own demise.
Blaise Pascal (mathematician, apologist, the dead French guy who ushered me back to the faith via a teacher's edition of a math text book) wrote:
"Nothing betrays more clearly an extreme weakness of intellect than not to recognise the unhappiness of a man without God."
I don't know about it being a weakness of intellect. It's sad, though.
He also wrote:
"There are only two kinds of person whom we can describe as reasonable: those who serve God with all their hearts because they have found him, and those who seek him with all their heart because they have not found him."
Sometimes I think I'm the first one, sometimes the second, and at times, neither -simply lukewarm. But, I've discovered that prayer is pretty darn neato at the lukewarm times. I got the idea to pray during those times from C.S. Lewis. (
The Screwtape Letters is amazingly epiphanistic).
Sorry if this post seems disjointed. I got up several times to drive people places. It was going to be insightful- I know a big contrast to my last post. Oh well, I'm not a philosopher; I'm just a geeky mom.
And I am aware that epiphanistic isn't a real word.
Oh! And I put up some of the footage my husband and his brother took of the Tour of California bike race. They went up to Patterson Pass yesterday in the rain to watch. Here's a link to my YouTube page:
http://www.youtube.com/madelinemoody*****************************************************************
Here's a random picture of one of the twins with a goat that I didn't realize was still in the camera until I uploaded the stuff from the Tour of CA.
